vegeta rocker Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 i think most of you can guess who this is about,but if you can't ill post it later. I tried some rhyme on this one hope it turned out ok. dear one speak to me yawn and show your fangs please push me away and say how silly that i am trace my hand on your cheek keep it warm coat it with tears as i mourn abandoned by the makai city floating in the heavens tell me how this is all over in less than a second search in your eyes but they no longer glare black and white streaks shudder as the wind blows your hair what of your sister now she will never know of the brother who loved her so the earths vines creep around you and claim you as their own in anger i push them back you're mine and mine alone what of your skill this can't be the end will your fingers never trace the edge of your blade again fire demon i call to you awake please awake for me but you were invincible am i all who sees when the world betrayed you once and again you were always back with revenge your pale skin glimmers under the moon hold your head to my chest then cry as foxes do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 Wew! MEEE LIIIIIIIIIIIKE!! [B][size=4]GREAT[/size][/B] job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trumen Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 Nice poem, I like it and I give it 7/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 yea ima agreat with truman just add a coupe opinionated idears... 7/10.. try out more exdended usage of vocabulary? ...and possibly separate stanzas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 [color=red][size=1] I must say the only complaints I have is that your vocab isn't too broad and your grammar used isn't done very well. But the idea was very good and you should be proud of your piece of work![/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted July 21, 2002 Author Share Posted July 21, 2002 i went back and edited it. check it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 I wish I could have seen the first draft... The second one is pretty good though. 8/10 Very deep, and it makes me think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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