Talon Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 The sunlight glimmered in her soft black hair, All the radiance shimmering in her crying brown eyes. I took her into my then-rough arms, Comforting her sorrowed mind. She looked at me as if I was a knight And that's when and where I vowed my heart To guard, protect, and keep her sane I became her shining, loving knight. Her arms locked around my waist, One of her warm hands found my right one. She gripped it firmly, cascading me away Into a realm of dreams come true. The way she kissed me the day after that Sent me into a deep, deep trance. I felt as though she needed my heart Though hers belonged to another. He tore her apart with his desperate lies, Left her lying naked in her own mind. He forced me to draw my sword, Forced me to stand in the line of fire. She held on to me, not letting go. She wrapped her arms around me. I took blow after blow, helping her with the pain. Her lips met mine once again, This time we kissed as lovers. She felt me collapse into her arms. She is my vision of an angel... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 Separation of the stanza's... each stanza symbolizes one key element... length, care, heart... EFIN SWEEEt.. you have just created by my standards a flawless poem.. Critique: 9.673/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BearsBaby635 Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 I love it! *cryies running to EFK's arms* I love you so much. Its just so sweet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 17, 2002 Author Share Posted July 17, 2002 Thank you, my friend. Yhis is the true story of my life in Jaimie's arms... I felt I had to tell the story. Thank you, my dearest love, Jaimie. I love you, too. *Cries a little, not believing I could show such emotion in public* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 [color=red][size=1] Wow...[b]that[/b], my friend, is what we call [i]real[/i] poetry. That was absolutely wonderful. The emotion was painfully present and your wording was fantastic. [b][i]Great[/i][/b] job![/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 My god... That's beautiful. 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 18, 2002 Author Share Posted July 18, 2002 Thanx, everyone. I thought you would hate it. Oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted July 18, 2002 Share Posted July 18, 2002 thats pretty good. Totally felt each stanza like each one could have existed by itself and still been great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark-Eye Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 This is a great poem you should right more. I can never write anything this good. Good job Hunter. sign,Dark-Eye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 [color=red][size=1][QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ElvenFoxKnight [/i] [B]Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^= [/B][/QUOTE] :rotflmao: Hehehe! That was funny...:blulaugh:[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 Great! 9/10! And you thought everyone would hate it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicoTranzrig Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 That was great! In my mind I think...even though the guy is gone, the pain's still there and...there's not a lot of people out there who can stand up and take a beating just to ease the pain of someone else. But never once did you attack the wrong doer...the gentleman's way. :) You're lucky to have each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 23, 2002 Author Share Posted July 23, 2002 Thank you. I REALLY thought you would all just aim a gun at me and shoot me...I...thanks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Harlequin Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 [font=gothic][color=crimson]You should know better by now. Your poetry is excellent.[/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ElvenFoxKnight [/i] [B]Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^= [/B][/QUOTE] Well i am a little weird, so i guess it was just me....great poem anyway!:p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barra Maral Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 John, I gotta admit, that one *I* liked. Bravo. Excelent dude. I would like to give this poem a 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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