Mitch Posted July 19, 2002 Share Posted July 19, 2002 All right, decided to make a thread to constantly update with new poems. I guess I will repost a poem that I posted a while back, so some of you who didn't get a chance to read it do. [color=red][b][u]Eye Soul[/b][/u] Within everyone's eyes there is a story of the times within everyone's eyes you can see a glimpse of individuality an understanding of them deep down inside their minds within everyone's eyes you can see a sparkle of intuition from the core you can see the plagues paining the kindness shinning the eyes truly are a view into the soul and that view only seems to grow the longer you know someone and then grows to be so much more when you look into someone's eyes, it just seems so easy to emphasize view their mind in understanding declare but still yet not know enough to pursue a curiosity of their emotion try to understand their deep ocean our eyes are only an impression an impression of only a view of a mask the rest is hidden away until that mask is pierced then the real person is shown deep under that mask and here's a new one I wrote a few days ago: [b][u]Judgemental[/b][/u] People can be so Judgemental you do one thing wrong within their eyes then they label you as if you are nothing they only look at your cover putting you down without truly understanding your true story only reading your title and basing their feelings on just that then you wait awhile sort out yourself and you try to get them to read you from the inside out tell them forget the past start anew but they have those presumptions about you and still they only stick by those it feels so unfair unfair to them as well as you like a double-edged sword and you look back and wonder what it would've been like to like to give them the right first impression or get to know them and them to know you not just as a label then you realize you wouldn't have had it that way anyways [/color] that's it for now, more later. oh, forgot to mention: sent some of my poems to [url]http://www.otakupoetry.com[/url] if anyone wants to check it out. I doubt they are up yet, but they will be soon. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted July 19, 2002 Share Posted July 19, 2002 Your style is very unique and the images your poems put into my mind are very well illustrated. I can tell you have a very talented mind, which is the only reason i am going to critisize. Your lack of proper format is the only plague of your poetry. You have no defined format layout. .. hehe sorry that sounds worse than it is, it is just all i can find to denote as a downside of your poem... everything else owns... hehe.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 19, 2002 Author Share Posted July 19, 2002 What way do you mean this by. Grammaticaly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 Here's a poem from awhile ago-- [color=red]Emotions emotions are such uncontrollable things they mix deep within helping us become like an unremovable trait emotions stay with us becoming our instinct they are like an ocean shallow at its beginnings and deep and murky within the center salty yet smooth at the same time just think what life would be without emotions no drama, no love, not even any humor we truly would almost be robots controlled by others like simple pawns we wouldn't be individuals we would be lifeless, simple beings without any meaning but to live we would truly be robbed of our very selves put into the world deformed scarred within our souls never to be whole [/color] Also, I forgot to mention, if you would like to post one of your own poems--go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 20, 2002 Share Posted July 20, 2002 [color=red][size=1] This is very good work, although I think we got carried away with the word "we". 7/10[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 [color=red]The Chance Come with me my young traveler to the place few can see the place where the corruption is covered up and the real world is revealed the real world hidden from those blinded by their own self-indulgences blinded to those who are corrupt themselves to those who only want the world as the way it is those people, they will be our downfall the world will only waste away like sand slipping through a hand until only a few specs are left and all is gone forever but if you can open your eyes see the world without such an awkward stance you can see through that corruption accept the dying chance and become more that which can see but that which can do and stand up for the future and embrace your rights [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 20, 2002 Author Share Posted July 20, 2002 I wrote 4 poems last night. Here's one: [color=red]Imperfect Potential We are all organic plastic in our own right easily broken down shunned around synthetic flawed in one way or another individually different longing for more out of life unsure of what we are unknowing of the future laid out unstable in the core broken down inside waiting for the right sign besides all of our flaws everyone deep down as far as you can dig is truly a great person whether we think so or not even as imperfect as we all are we have the potential so much potential yet so much of it goes to waste only because we think of ourselves as useless bringing ourselves down over such simple things blinded by what our society makes us not understanding that deep down inside ourselves we have endless potential potential only needing optimism and initiative to be tapped sadly, few have enough optimism and initiative to actually grasp their weapons and some realize that it was there all along hiding there just waiting to be found [/color] Comments? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted July 20, 2002 Share Posted July 20, 2002 IT makes me feel worthless only being able to say 'its great' every time i read your poems... SO i have decided to tell you WHY i think it is great...maybe i can end the malice within my head if i can just feel like i made a dif hehe... to start: flawed in one way or another individually diffrent The lines hit me in a way unlike most of the other lines, they grip my mind into trying to understand how everyone agrees, but doesnt want to. When i see poems like this, you know the type that only re-state stuff we already know so well... i find it hard to get the meaning to be sanctive and unique, since i already know the info your splaying forth... so the way you did it, was use a shiznit load of adjectives, in a tense all of its own.. makes me like it... hehe.. .there now i can explain what i mean... its not often using in only a couple words and two lines, one can imply somthing quite pessimistic, [b]flawed in one way or another[/b] followed up by somthing that could be either or, but im leaning to OR, i dont thikn it can be both... im goin wiht optimism.. [b]individually diffrent[/b] .... it only makes sense to me because im an odd boy.. and i dont see that type of writing much.... I LIKE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinetic Posted July 21, 2002 Share Posted July 21, 2002 [color=darkblue] I don't know much about poetry, but I really like this. Very much. My favorite would be the first, because it does seem like the eyes are the window to the soul. [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 21, 2002 Author Share Posted July 21, 2002 [color=red] So Empty My life seems so empty everyday the emptiness continues to grow how much longer will it be until someone comes? I can only wait so long until every bit of hope is gone the emptiness consumes my whole deep down creating an invisible shroud a shroud of deep ills everytime I see two people holding hands I can't help but wish that could be me to have someone that understands a person I can call my own one who I can understand back to long have I just sat just thinking what it would be like like to have that special someone who I can experience something so foriegn that thing called love to have someone I can find myself from share my deepest thoughts and secrets not always have this deep longing for something more but to actually materially have it to understand what it is and have it forever someday I will know hopefully soon [/color] Hope you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted July 21, 2002 Share Posted July 21, 2002 i like them becasue they are all diffrent in their own way but you can tell they were all written by the same person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 22, 2002 Author Share Posted July 22, 2002 Here's a poem I think is great that I wrote last night. [color=red] Mindful Feelings All my feelings go around in my head twisting, turning, around and around they go like floating wishes long gone and dead all the feelings fall deep inside themselves paradoxing images of strength and dread rearing truths of lies blinded by emotions my feelings begin to sink draining all life within my mind drowning the essence of my force slacking my understanding from the source my feelings bury themselves deep down deep inside their muddy interior hiding away rotting away inside just waiting until they have their one chance that one moment that they contradict what I stand for compassionately tearing me where I was already torn scarring me again mentally inside disintegrating my one last shove of prerogative existence leaving a vigorous mark upon my intellectual shell the feelings gain complete control and my emotions harshly begin to flow[/color] Please comment on my poetry--it helps me view it from diffrent views. Also, Tuesday I will be leaving for 2 weeks. Don't miss me to much:smirk: . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 23, 2002 Author Share Posted July 23, 2002 [i]another poem I wrote last night.....[/i] [color=red] The Pain I bear the pain so often that it seems ingrained ingrained so far in the recesses of my mind that sometimes I just get into such a bind and all my other senses are dulled as the pain sharply crushes throughout my entire body all I see is the deep piercing pain it shoots around like a ricocheting bullet unstable and unpredictable to who it might hurt the pain becomes my essence, my aura it clouds all things within my judgment become sometimes so unbearable I can't keep it within just my body and it escapes ensnaring all those that I hold dear showing them the deep stitched pain I bear torturing them into understanding what it truly feels like escaping violently in anger in frustration until it disperses and pains me no more but my bliss only lasts shortly then out of nowhere it comes back back in its endless attack [/color] Comments are appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinetic Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 [color=darkblue] Wow, these are great. The third one really got to me, though. It's very true, and you use your words well. Good job. [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 23, 2002 Share Posted July 23, 2002 [color=red][size=1] You asked me to come check this out? Out of your most recent three, I like the last one the best. You're lines are a bit confusing, and your choice of words isn't very broad, but they're still good, nonetheless.[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted July 23, 2002 Author Share Posted July 23, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mist [/i] [B][color=red][size=1] You asked me to come check this out? Out of your most recent three, I like the last one the best. You're lines are a bit confusing, and your choice of words isn't very broad, but they're still good, nonetheless.[/color][/size] [/B][/QUOTE]To deep for you I guess....oh well. Not everyone likes my writing style. Well thanks for looking anyways mist. You see I am a very complex person, nothing in life is easy for me. It all depends on your taste for writing. I'm not discouraged to write tho' ^^. Thanks for being so honest, that shows you are truly a good person. As for my word choice being broad--I guess you are right about that, but doesn't that show they all are from me?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 3, 2002 Author Share Posted August 3, 2002 Well, I was gone for 2 weeks now I'm back. [color=red]Enxit [i]The end is the exit the exit is the end the exit bends but it always comes to the end that's when you slip away get to finally escape lose your original shape throw off that plastic cape and leave it there for all to stare you only take one thing the thing that makes you whole your soul then you float where you lead stop when you heed then eventually, you leave go to someplace few can see and do what need the exit is only the beginning the beginning is the exit that is what you will see[/i][/color] This is one of my weirder poems I guess, but I like it. Comments? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 4, 2002 Author Share Posted August 4, 2002 [color=red]Mortality [i]Mortality is such a strange thing it seems to be a curse but in some ways, it's a gift it is an unremovable part of us it is there, lurking, even when we are born and it grows and swells as it grows into an augmenting problem so versatile, yet secular at the same time as we grow weaker it only becomes stronger an enigma which we only master in our final moments the sharpness of it is so acute yet so dull all at once it ponders us and becomes knowing of ourselves showing its bleak, fearful face from time to time just waiting for the chance to commit the one crime to take the one thing which keeps us alive our mortality[/i][/color] Not as good as my other poem, but It's ok I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 4, 2002 Author Share Posted August 4, 2002 [color=red]Path of Life [i]I wish I could push all of my feelings aside and just ride but life's never that way it'll stare you right back keep you off the track push you away from what you want most and take you away lead you down its long, unpredictable path full of love and wrath it nods and shoves you in the right directions showing you sections of your destiny unclouding your impending future becoming something like a creature a creature that is your guider a friend at need never displacing its emotions always understanding your approaches becoming one of your many coaches life is so many things at once it really does amount to something kept forever[/i][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted August 4, 2002 Share Posted August 4, 2002 Ur really good at this! Keep it ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 5, 2002 Author Share Posted August 5, 2002 [i][size=1]I decided to write a poem that has something or another to deal with rain last night. Here it is...[/i][/size] [color=red]Downpour [i]The rain pours down in an endless wave washing away everything I saved it moistens the floor cleaning it of everything in an endless downpour I look up at the sky wondering why why does life have to be so unfair? does life even care? I tried my best to do things right and it all amounted to nothing why do I even try anymore? all I get is an endless downpour a slimy wetness deep in the interior it makes me feel so inferior nothing I do anymore feels right to me the rain inside is making it so hard to see always questioning me why I agree and these thunderous thoughts echo in my head they've gone so deep they're becoming an ulterior a deep wall my will can't overcome made of misleading downpours of fallen hopes the rain surrounds my mind in a tight perimeter of cloudy greys of misunderstandings and I feel I'm losing myself in this impenetrable wall of apathy I'm falling apart from the inside imploding into an endless black hole that sucks in everything it can find becoming empty of myself losing all of my feelings I can't remember what I used to be all I feel is an emptiness unrelinquished the only thing I can see is my suffering in an endless reality I can't escape[/i][/color] Any comments???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted August 5, 2002 Share Posted August 5, 2002 *sniffle* Really good *sniffle* Like I said b4 keep it ^ [size=1]I wish I could write like this :([/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 5, 2002 Author Share Posted August 5, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Dark_Apocalyps [/i] [B]*sniffle* Really good *sniffle* Like I said b4 keep it ^ [size=1]I wish I could write like this :([/size] [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red]You can. I used to be just another writer, then I practiced and practiced. Now look at me. Just never give up that's the best advice I can give Dark...never give up.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 5, 2002 Author Share Posted August 5, 2002 [color=red]Fate [i]We all have a fate a fate which one day we will have to embrace some have multiple fates others only have one a death or destruction a predetermined mix of events it all compromises into something unseen a sharp turn in the path we take an unknowing time when we break it's all inside us and one day we'll have to take our gamble throw our hand out and lay it on the table and hope to get an ace have a hope that we don't get cheated from a meaningful life but everything eventually breaks down and falls to the ground by dealing that ace we only stay that fate extend our over-due wait it eventually catches back up with us and we eventually deal out that ill-fated hand of fate lose our shiny show of good luck and fall to our uncontrollable destiny [/i][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spike speigel Posted August 6, 2002 Share Posted August 6, 2002 wow, you are really good at this. I haven't seen poems like this in a while. They are just so great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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