Writing poem discussion and help

[Loki]

This is where we accept all cryticism and ask for help and what ppl think on our poems and songs. heres my poem i wanted to start it with

Leaving Home



Keep on walking
Closer and closer
Turn the knob
Open the door
Take a step
Walk down the path
Open your door
To the car
Get in, strap up
Turn on the engine
Drive off in
The darken sky

Your leaving home
Now you?re alone
Off on your own
Yes your leaving home
Don?t look back
To a darken past
Torn friendships
Of long ago
Your leaving home
Now your alone
Off on your own
Yes your leaving home

Your seventeen
With no friends
Dropped out of school
To get a job
It didn?t work
You hate your boss
Work for cheap
And started drinking
Now your angry
At the world
So you packed your bags
And took of running
Doing some drugs
Always stoned
Your not who
You wanted to be

Your leaving home
Now you?re alone
Off on your own
Yes your leaving home
Don?t look back
To a darken past
Torn friendships
Of long ago
Your leaving home
Now your alone
Off on your own
Yes your leaving home