Writing Project Silence

[Red]

[b]This is the begginning of a story I'm currently writing, which was recently an RPG in the adventures forum. Tell me what you think.[/b]

Project Silence.

For years now the Kagims have been at war with the Silencers. Their lush, green world devastated and drained from the fighting. The war started with the uprising of the Nimas, who didn?t use magic, against the Kagims, who mistreated them.
Being technologically superior, the Nimas set up a large group of their most elite warriors, calling them Project Silence, they trained for many years as the war waged on. Now they are ready to fight the oppression of the Kagims and reclaim their world?

Chapter 1: A young boy.

?Would Xian report to General Fashems office immediately.? The intercom crackled. Xian rose to his feet, wiping the sleep from his eyes, and made his way to the General?s office. Upon arriving, Xian was greeted with an disgruntled look, the new General obviously had something that was bothering him, Xian thought to himself as he stared at the vein sticking out of the Generals forehead.
?Listen?, the General paused. He looked at his register, and then looked back at Xian. ?Before we continue, what?s your second name? It?s not on my register.?
?I don?t have a second name, sir, I wasn?t named by my parents, they died before they could name me.?
?Ah? the General sighed, he had seen many a young soldier who had their parents killed by Kagims at a young age.
?It says here on my paper that you?ve passed every test with flying colours, is that correct??
?That it is sir? Xian replied, proudly.
?I don?t believe a God damn word of it? the General said, whilst he tore up Xian?s test results. ?I?ve seen kids pass through here with high scores but this is bull, you have to take every test again, now get out.? The General turned around to look through his cracked window at the new recruits, battling against the assault course.
Xian stared blankly at the General, he had passed those tests, fair and square, he thought, if he could improve on those scores, he would start with a higher rank in the Silencers and a better gun. Still finding it hard to jump over the desk and give the General a beating, Xian marched out of his office.

That night Xian dreamt of how he was brought up, constantly moving to avoid the Kagims, using anything and everything to fight back. How he watched his cousins die at the hands of a Kagim, and how he was saved by a group of elite fighters, still in training, they had managed to beat back a large attacking force of Kagims. Talking to one of the members, Xian had learnt their name and decided to join the training program.

Xian awoke sharply at 5am, ready to train. The morning was cold, and storm clouds were forming up above. Xian dressed in his combat uniform, a black heavily armoured and magic resistant suit. For it?s strength, it was remarkably light.
Xian went to the armoury and grabbed his weapons, a heavy duty gun and a sword given to him by one of the Silencer trainees that rescued him that fateful day.
General Fashem escorted Xian out to the highest level training course.
?Begin!?

[Corey]

Good Guy Reply: Interesting.
I can't wait to read more.

Bad Guy Reply: In the first paragraph, it's kind of hard to tell which side is the one you are on untill the very last sentance.
You might want to make that a little more clear.

[ifm2181]

Nice story man :)
I should maybe put one of my other ones up...

[jupitersun]

thats a good story