Writing An Altered World

[Kinetic]

This is a story I wrote up in about 30 minutes, so it still needs to be edited, and this isn't even all of the first chapter, not nearly. I was just wondering what people thought so far:


[b]An Altered World[/b]




"That's not a reason to kill them", he thought, as he sat behind a bush. "It was a debt, they nearly had the money".
His name was Zylics. His parents were talking to the man who had lent them some money while he was hiding behind a bush.
"No," he heard, before the first gunshot.
His eyes closed shut, and another gunshot was heard. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't, because then he would be killed.
"No! They can't die! They can't die," he thought, as he ran towards his parents' bodies after the man had left. He held his mother in his arms, crying. He wanted to die.

"In the news today," trailed off the voice in the radio.
He woke up, sweat rolling down his face. He had been remembering that night, the night that his parents were murdered. Zylics was not a small man. He had an average physique, and he was tall, around 6'3''. He had brown eyes, and shoulder length black hair. He walked out of his small house, outside into the small community that he lived in. He was interested in blades, and took fencing classes at a young age, later purchasing an old blade, not thinking that he would ever use it, and hung it on his wall. He still takes it out to play with, though.

He walked down the dusty road, looking at the small buildings around him. He strode to his favorite restaraunt and purchased some ramen noodles. He stared at his bowl, still thinking about the nightmare he just had. It was early in the morning, 5:24 to be exact. A man with a large hat and a dirty, old coat. He sat down in the corner and ordered some food. As Zylics finished, and paid for his meal, the man stood up. While he walked out, the man bowed. Zylics stood still, bewildered. He stumbled out the door, looking back at the man. He turned around, and the man vanished, the bartender thinking that he was just seeing things closed his eyes.

Zylics looked at the city as he walked home. He was in the slightly unpopulated outskirts, but he loved traveling into the city. Zylics had no friends, but he liked living alone, without disturbances. He did have a cat, however. A beautiful black cat that loved to eat. "That cat is going to be the death of me," he thought, opening some more food for the constantly hungry cat. Yet, no matter how much it ate, it never seemed to grow.

"I honestly don't know why I bother with you," Zylics said, in a deep, depressing voice.

His wardrobe was all the same. He always wore a black T - Shirt that he tucked in to baggy, black jeans with a thick leather belt. On top of that, he always wore the same black, beaten up trench coat. Needless to say, his personality wasn't all that cheery, but he wasn't a heel or anything. He headed out the door, picking up the keys to his car to head to work. It wasn't a bad car either, a black sports car that his parents owned, and he kept after they died.

He worked for a large company, hacking into their security for them to see what needed to be enhanced. He wasn't the ideal hacker, but he knew his way well enough. The phone in his glove box rang, and he picked it up. "You're late," a man said. "We shouldn't tolerate this from you, so don't let it happen again."

"Yes sir, Mr. Mendel," Zylics replied, hanging up the phone. He pushed down the accelerator, passing a few cars on the bridge.

There was a thud on the top of his car. This alerted him, and he sped up, thinking to slow down, maybe throwing whatever it was off. There wasn't even a sound when he did this. He stopped completely and slowly opened his door. He jumped out, seeing nothing. When he looked at the top of his car, he saw a dent, perfectly rounded into a circle, and smooth on the inside, and it was cool. He had no clue what it could have been. He then remembered the man at the restaurant this morning.

Slightly cautious, he got into his car again and drove off. He looked in his mirror and saw a man in a white suit sitting in the back seat. His foot slammed on the break, causing the car behind him to veer off to the right. His eyes widened as he asked who the man was. "My name is Raiden, do not worry. I am here to open your mind."

"But how did you get in", Zylics asked loudly. "That is none of your concern. I am here to tell you about things unimaginable, and thought of as fantasies here in this world," Raiden said, confusing Zylics. "This world is a facade, to delude you from the events happening in the real world. You must help me, help me defeat the ones causing terror in the real world."

Zylics was stunned at such a ludicrous statement, yet slightly amused. "And what would I be doing if I," Zylics laughed. "Helped you defeat the terror in the real world," he said with a smile on his face. "You don't believe me," Raiden chuckled.

Raiden lifted his arm towards the windshield. Zylics stared at his hand, which seemed to be giving off heat. A white glow overtook his hand, and a pulse of energy shot through the windshield, leaving a perfect circle, and not damaging any other part of the windsheild. Zylics thought he was dreaming. This couldn't be real. Magic wasn't real, there was no other world.

"What in hell was that," Zylics shouted in question.

"That was just a mere example of the power circulating in the other world. I came to you to help me because I can see power in you as well, a power that I've never felt before. If you helped me, you could open your eyes to the truth and make the world peaceful once more," Raiden said, excited. Zylics was still uneasy about this.

"This is a lie! Some trick to make it look like you used magic. I don't believe any of this," he shouted, disappointing Raiden.

"That's too bad. I'll be back Zylics," he said smirking, and he vanished in a wisp of smoke. Zylics was bewildered, and took off towards work. He got to the end of the bridge, and proceeded to the building on the right. He walked in, only to be encountered by his employer, Mr. Mendel. "You're even later than expected, Zylics," he said, staring at him with drooping eyes.

"I'm sorry, there was a madman who wouldn't go away," he replied.

"Just don't let it happen again. Anyway, we've got a new security system for you to try your luck on," Mr. Mendel said, walking towards an isolated room. The surroundings were completely smooth and white, and in the center of the room was a table with a computer on it. To the left of the table was a window that could only be seen through on the other side. "Do your best Zylics," Mr. Mendel said, walking into the room on the other side of the window.

After many hours of work, Zylics was allowed to leave, and jumped into his car. He nearly forgot about the incident earlier. He finally got home, took off his coat, and fell into bed, staring at the sky through his glass ceiling.

[b]End Story[/b]

I've also got a ton of ideas circulating in my head, and I could also have someone animate it, instead of making a book, I dunno. Anyway, what do you think?

-Chibi

[SS Vegeta]

Woah! Nice work. ;) I liked it alot. It took me a while to read though. :p

[Mist]

[color=crimson][size=1] Hmm...you sure do have an interesting style. I like your characterization, and I admire your ability to have a short compostion make sense. I couldn't do that for the life of me.[/color][/size]

[Kinetic]

Lol, and that's not like me in real life, I have to explain every detail about everything, and stories take forever with me :p Thanks :)

[Mist]

[color=crimson][size=1] You deserve the praise; don't thank me. :D[/color][/size]