Writing Broken Heart

[Boo]

[B]Broke Heart[/B]

You act tough and strong,
but in real you're really small.
You want to look big,
but you're not that tall.

You want to hide your feelings,
and look like nothing's wrong.
You can't hide it forever,
this feeling in you is there for so long.

Your heart is broken,
but you dont want to see.
You think nobody notices,
You're sinking in a bottomless sea.

Sinking and sinking.
You cant get up to get some air,
You arent the problem,
look into your heart, the problem is there.

You dont want to see it,
but you'll have to face it someday.
You're afraid, and oh so small.
I can't help, but I will pray.

Pray for help and pray for you.
But you'll have to face it yourself.
I will do what any mortal can do;
But it all depends on your spiritial wealth.

I cant help you any further,
You're the only one who can fix it.
I will now leave you,
and come back when your heart is lit.


[I]I did this when OB was down[/I]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=blue][size=1] [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Dark_Apocalyps [/i]
[B][B]Broke Heart[/B]

Your heart is broken,
but you dont want to see.
You think nobody notices,
but infact you're sinking in a bottomless sea.

[I]I did this when OB was down[/I] [/B][/QUOTE]

I like it, but for the line just up there ^ "but in fact your sinking in a bottomless sea." It'd probably sound better if you said "You think nobody notices/You're sinking into a bottomless sea." It makes the rythym flow better if you just take out the but infact part. That my contribution. Otherwise, I liked it. [/color][/size]

[Boo]

yeah. I just made it up at the mom when I posted it on Sirven_2002's boards. I readed it over a few times and allways thought it wasnt flewing good.

[zidane11]

Reminds me of people at school.

[Corey]

Beautiful.
Very deep.
I agree with Lady Asphyxia, though.

[Boo]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by zidane11 [/i]
[B]Reminds me of people at school. [/B][/QUOTE]

hehe.... I hope that wasnt negative :p lol

[Mitch]

[color=red] Your best work yet, D_A. I loved the beginning, but towards the end your writing style wasn't as good. Very well done besides my complaints. [/color]

[Boo]

jah... I was out of ideas, but I didnt have a real ending. So I did a few couplets more to make one
:D