Writing Trying again...

[RicoTranzrig]

[COLOR=darkblue]It's been a while since I've done poetry :(...here's one I had a lot of time to think about. A little inspiration from Kingdom Hearts and a dream. Comments?

~
Look around. Darkness,
created by light.
Each one of us is born, burning,
blanketed by the shadows
of human creators.

Basking in the shade of others,
pale, cold, secluded.
Break away and stand tall
with a flame as bright,
But with a heart that doesn't consume.

The closer we are,
we shine brighter as one.
Though, if one were to become heartless,
the larger each of their shadows become,
against the lit candles,
and another lost one falls
into obscurity, forlorn.
[/COLOR]

[Lady Asphyxia]

I like it. Its good. lol. comments aren't my stong point. :blush:

[Avalon]

Man, this is very good! Me want more! Me want more! Just kidding! I really did like this! Keep up the good work!

[RicoTranzrig]

Thanks for the input :D Here's another one I wrote last night...it's a little longer, but bear with it...I'm still kinda bad at this... if it doesn't make much sense I'll explain it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[COLOR=darkblue]Is this what you are?
Picking off the innocent fools
drowning them
in everything they gave to you?

You leave them nothing,
you've taken everything,
for all they're worth!
Moved on to cause more hurt.

You touch their hearts,
run your darkness through their souls.
You say that you're one of the very few
who can give hapiness.
While in truth, you're heart is an empty hole.

I feel it now, it's tempting.
Your voice, your body
and I know it's all for the taking.
I was stupid enough to take it before.
To lay side by side, embracing.
Fooled into thinking I could even the score.

Not the same mistake again,
What I knew back then
I'll take that experience
and turn away from you,
a false friend.

Go crawl back into your cage,
it's always the same,
hiding behind your victims
nothing will ever change.

You may have walked circles
around my heart,
placed a burden on me
right from the start.
And whatever I said
means nothing to you now,
becuase you have so many others,
that'll be your addition
to the walking dead.

They've all fallen
because you persuaded them,
collected your pay.
But once the truth
of your existence runs past
the rays of the rising sun,
What you call, "your victims,"
will turn away. [/COLOR]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=blue][size=1] I [i]really[/i] like that one. The meaning is elusive, letting you use your imagination. To me, it brings to mind vampirism (sp?). Was that what it was about? :blush: [/color][/size]

[zidane11]

That sounds like it could be in a book or a video game, in fiery letters or something on the screen. Who knows. It's really cool, I'm not very good at poetry any ways.

[RicoTranzrig]

[COLOR=darkblue]Thanks again!


I wasn't really thinking about Vampires...but that's a really good interpretation.

I was kinda angry when I wrote it...so, I was talking about prostitution and people who cheat on others. That topic by Mist in GD got me thinking about it.

Still, the Vampire idea is also true...lol:)[/COLOR]

[Mitch]

[color=red] The first one seems rather...rusty...if I can say it that way...and the second one is great ;)[/color]

[RicoTranzrig]

I guess you can tell if I spent some time on it or not :) This is another quick one just to let some of my feelings out before I lose it tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[COLOR=darkblue]Bugged, attacked, scathed, cracked,
My soul burns, yearns, turns, to you.
A youth, moved to kneel on the ground,
object of affection lost and found.

Tourtured, dressed in angst-riddled distress.
Pull the wool over her foolish eyes.
Take in whatever they see at first light
Through the tiny little hole that misinforms their sights.

An unwise choice of clothing
to go on a lifeless body,
Made of straw, dust, rags, evil thoughts
Foreboding actions plauge and folly.

Her recklessness and irresponsibility
destroy what good harvest I toil.
Brown fields suppurate the weak.
My tears fall on dry soil.

I wish the rain would come
wash the grief inside
I wish you would leave me be
to someone else I could truly confide.

I need a green harvest,
harmony pure, not gold,
kind, sweet, unharmed,
not left alone to unfold.[/COLOR]

[Mitch]

[color=red] Now that is the Rico I know...very nice description, personification, metaphors, and the like. I got like a cool image in my mind, and that's what good poetry [i]should[/i] do. 9.2/10. Wonderful.[/color]