Vegitto4 Posted September 27, 2002 Share Posted September 27, 2002 As I lie here Battered and broken All I can do Is think of you I look up to see A horrible thing You in his arms Both of you smiling Then you look down And see what you left All of a sudden A look comes Across your face A look of scorn Regret And pain I try to stand However To much pain courses Through my body I will never forget The good times we had Nor will I Forget the bad I hope your happy With what you?ve destroyed As I lie here Battered and broken All I can do Is look at myself, And think of what?s left Lying here on the floor I?ve been broken? I need to be fixed? If you can?t fix me Who can? what does thou thinkest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane11 Posted September 28, 2002 Share Posted September 28, 2002 It's a good poem but it makes me to depressed when I read it. But that's good, it brings out a lot of emotion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted September 28, 2002 Share Posted September 28, 2002 Beautiful. I love it. Checkboxed for the OBOP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted September 28, 2002 Author Share Posted September 28, 2002 why thank you. I wrote it 30 minutes after i got dumped yesterday. So, yeah.Needless to say, it's about my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted September 28, 2002 Share Posted September 28, 2002 [color=red] Very melancholy. It's a pretty nice poem. It could be better, but eventually you will become more better, I'm certain ;) just keep writing.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted September 28, 2002 Author Share Posted September 28, 2002 You act like I suck. But w/e. I know it's not to great, but it was the best way to convey my emotion at the time. I like getting very descriptive, and someties it doesn't flow, but oh well. You win some, you lose some Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted September 29, 2002 Share Posted September 29, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]It was the best way to convey my emotion at the time.[/B][/QUOTE] Precisely. I could tell that you had something serious behind that poem because I do the same thing. I write when I'm emotional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]You act like I suck. But w/e. I know it's not to great, but it was the best way to convey my emotion at the time. I like getting very descriptive, and someties it doesn't flow, but oh well. You win some, you lose some [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red] Let me tell you this: No one sucks at writing. Any work of writing is wonderful, no matter how bad it is. As CWB said [b][i]"You have to write bad before you can write good."[/b][/i][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 30, 2002 Share Posted September 30, 2002 nice. I dont like the rhytme so much, but the poem itself is good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted October 1, 2002 Author Share Posted October 1, 2002 I didn't try to rhyme it that much. Thx though. Wouldn't it be write well? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rancid Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 [COLOR=darkblue]Nice poem, reminds me of my old girlfriend....[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 that poem is very emotional, i loved it...keep it up!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonz Fyre Posted October 6, 2002 Share Posted October 6, 2002 keep up the good work...its really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makai Kite Posted October 13, 2002 Share Posted October 13, 2002 That's a very good poem. I could really feel the emotion behind it. Thank you for bringing that moment of emotion to all our lives. Have a Vampire Hunter D plushie. No, not that one. That's the one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostProphet Posted October 25, 2002 Share Posted October 25, 2002 It's an excellent poem Ryan. But which ex-girlfriend? I've seen you with a couple, just at different times. Don't get me wrong, I may have said that differently than I meant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 25, 2002 Share Posted October 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]I didn't try to rhyme it that much. [/B][/QUOTE] no matter. Good poem though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now