tursi Posted October 1, 2002 Share Posted October 1, 2002 I'm decideing if i want to send this into our literary magazine or not. Red Deep colors dripping, dripping from your pale lips. Blood on your beatuiful pale skin, you don't notice. The red engulfs me, and you make me drink. I try to resist, but lust takes over. My lips touches a neck, not his but anothers, slowly i drink. The blood taste bitter sweet, soft, like rose petals. Warm going down my throat, I see memories of kids playing, a wife and hot meals. i pull away from the painful memories, and warmth returns to my body. Never again will this heart beat. I smile at my maker, then sigh. The first feeding's over, next time won't be so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane11 Posted October 1, 2002 Share Posted October 1, 2002 Go ahead and send it. I think it's good. You don't have anything to lose, unless you're one of those people who get really depressed if they don't win something. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tursi Posted October 1, 2002 Author Share Posted October 1, 2002 thanks, no i'm not that kind, i just want to make sure it's good. so i want to get peoples ideas first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 2, 2002 Share Posted October 2, 2002 Pretty good. Send it and see if u win :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mnemolth Posted October 2, 2002 Share Posted October 2, 2002 It has potential tursi, but its a little haphazard. I was a little confused with the first and second pronouns, you seem to switch them. I noticed that when you set up your image, your first line is descriptive, and your second cryptic. I think you over-use that, with the second just too short and curt. Hmm...Maybe an 'And' infront of the 'slowly' would make it flow better. Its good, but it does need more work. Its a little too 'rough' as it is, but hey, that's just my opinion. :) B- :devil: Anyway, here's my little homage to the colour red. :) [b]Red[/b] Red is a white rose Dipped in blood Stained deep and dark But never quite enough. Red is a blind fury A whirlwind of woe A rage beyond words That swallows all. Red is a traffic light That stops us in the night Wakes us from our dreams And leaves us shivering with fright. Red is a Chinese wedding Of beauty, fortune and trust It is youth in Spring, It is the heart afloat on a crush. Red is many a colour Red has many a shade Close your eyes and see What red are you today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tursi Posted October 2, 2002 Author Share Posted October 2, 2002 Thanks! I like your poem too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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