Writing Some of my Poems,

[941_1432310904]

'Gone to die' he writes.
And then he presses OK.
This is his message,
That is his away.
'Gone to die' he writes.
Because of just one girl.
I guess she didn't realize,
She was the center of his world.
'Gone to die' he writes.
Blood dripping on the keys.
Messages to his friend,
Who's begging him please.
'Gone to die' he writes.
And then there is no sound.
All that there is now,
Is a body on the ground....
-----------------------
Beautiful, you said.
As you wrapped your arms around her,
and kisses her on the cheek.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you took the clothes right off of her,
and laid her into bed.
Beautiful, you said.
As you loved her so passionately,
long into the night.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you slid the knife across her heart,
and took away her life.
-------------
I wear lipstick,
Just to kiss the boys,
So they can have the bright red pucker,
On their big stubbly cheeks.

I wear mascara
For when they make me cry,
So I can have big black streaks,
Down my face.

I wear blush,
Incase they don't make me,
So I can tell them,
That they are.

I wear eye shadow,
To bring out my eyes,
Because eyes are essential for flirting,
And I must flirt with the boys.

I wear foundation,
To smooth out the imperfection of my face,
So the boys can rub my cheeks,
And tell me how soft it is.

I do up my hair,
So it can fall in my eyes,
To bring attention to them,
So they can tell me how pretty they are.

I wear the make up,
To cover up who I really am,
So I can put on my fake show,
And see how much attention I can get.
I get all pretty,
Just to hide the imperfections of my life.
And act 'normal,'
So I don't get looked down upon.

I drown myself,
In the brilliant colors of the powder,
So the depression doesn't cut so much,
And the cuts don't hurt as much.

I hide myself,
And all my misery,
In the lipstick...
The mascara...
The eye shadow...
The foundation...
The hair...
Just so they'll like me,
For who I make myself out to be.
Because they can't except...
Who I really am.

[zidane11]

You're really into love poems. Did you write all of those?

[941_1432310904]

Heh,Yeah i guess i am into love poems..I just write what ever comes to my head..stupid eh?lol.
Yeah i wrote all of them,

[Lady Asphyxia]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ×braceletWhore× [/i]
[B]'Gone to die' he writes.
And then he presses OK.
This is his message,
That is his away.
'Gone to die' he writes.
Because of just one girl.
I guess she didn't realize,
She was the center of his world.
'Gone to die' he writes.
Blood dripping on the keys.
Messages to his friend,
Who's begging him please.
'Gone to die' he writes.
And then there is no sound.
All that there is now,
Is a body on the ground....
-----------------------
Beautiful, you said.
As you wrapped your arms around her,
and kisses her on the cheek.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you took the clothes right off of her,
and laid her into bed.
Beautiful, you said.
As you loved her so passionately,
long into the night.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you slid the knife across her heart,
and took away her life.
-------------
[/B][/QUOTE]

[color=blue][size=1] I enjoyed the first one. For the second, I've a few suggestions. First of all, beautifully is the correct spelling. Two 'l's.

Secondly, where it says "As you wrapped your arms around her,
and kisses her on the cheek." It should be kissed, so that you stay in the same tense.

Other than that, I thought it was great!

As for the third one, I have no opinion of it. I thought it was good, though I'm not a big fan of freeform, seeing as so manythings can go wrong. I believe, however, that you managed them quite well. [/color][/size]

[941_1432310904]

Heh thankz
yeah,i do make ALOT of typos

[KittyLynn]

these are really good i write poems but i only write them for my pleasure..i never show them to anyone....

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by calumon_luver [/i]
[B]these are really good i write poems but i only write them for my pleasure..i never show them to anyone.... [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=red] But to improve you [i]need to have others read your work, even if it's to hard for you to take, it'll help you improve.

As for the poems, I liked the first one the best, the seconde one was kind of...dull I think. You used such weak words to describe, and you overused the word 'beautifully', which kind of bogged it down. I'd give the first one an 8.3/10.[/color]

[Tsung Li]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ×braceletWhore× [/i]
[B]
-----------------------
Beautiful, you said.
As you wrapped your arms around her,
and kisses her on the cheek.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you took the clothes right off of her,
and laid her into bed.
Beautiful, you said.
As you loved her so passionately,
long into the night.
Beautifuly, you said.
As you slid the knife across her heart,
and took away her life.
-------------
[/B][/QUOTE]
[color=darkblue]I found this one kinda depressing, but good none the less. Keep up the good work. [/color]

[ke thampi]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Lady Asphyxia [/i]
[B][color=blue][size=1] I enjoyed the first one. For the second, I've a few suggestions. First of all, beautifully is the correct spelling. Two 'l's.

Secondly, where it says "As you wrapped your arms around her,
and kisses her on the cheek." It should be kissed, so that you stay in the same tense.

Other than that, I thought it was great!

As for the third one, I have no opinion of it. I thought it was good, though I'm not a big fan of freeform, seeing as so manythings can go wrong. I believe, however, that you managed them quite well. [/color][/size] [/B][/QUOTE]
i want never to correct
since
lovely words are emotions of a poet
he may find more lovely words again and again
this is a open world for us
never hesitate to write
sincerely
[email]kethampi@hotmail.com[/email]

[Sui Generis]

I REALLY like the first one! ALOT! Its great!

The other ones are good too! Nice job!


Hey do you mind if I put the first one in my AIM profile....if you want me to I can gie you credit....whats your name?

[941_1432310904]

well im bored and decided to post a poem i wrote
for my Class today,


There are no pretty pictures.
When it comes to war.
Thin faces, captured souls.
Engraved in time forever more.
No fluffy white clouds,
To caress the skys.
Deep, depressing gray matter,hovering above.
That took so many lives.

There is no room for color,
In this dark abyss.
No room for compassion,
And love is left in the foggy mist.

Barbed wire coiled around,
The evil metal gates.
And the smoke that curled up,
Which contained spirits, killed by hate.

There are no dreams, in these rigid camps.
They were crushed long ago.
Replaced with tears.
That constantly flow.

Even today, the lesson isn?t learned.
For they didn?t succeed.
In wiping out a race.
Because in the black and white photos.
Is a timeless face.

There are no pretty pictures.
When it comes to war.
Thin faces, captured souls.
Engraved in time forever more

[Biida]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ×braceletWhore× [/i]
[B]well im bored and decided to post a poem i wrote
for my Class today,


There are no pretty pictures.
When it comes to war.
Thin faces, captured souls.
Engraved in time forever more.
No fluffy white clouds,
To caress the skys.
Deep, depressing gray matter,hovering above.
That took so many lives.

There is no room for color,
In this dark abyss.
No room for compassion,
And love is left in the foggy mist.

Barbed wire coiled around,
The evil metal gates.
And the smoke that curled up,
Which contained spirits, killed by hate.

There are no dreams, in these rigid camps.
They were crushed long ago.
Replaced with tears.
That constantly flow.

Even today, the lesson isn?t learned.
For they didn?t succeed.
In wiping out a race.
Because in the black and white photos.
Is a timeless face.

There are no pretty pictures.
When it comes to war.
Thin faces, captured souls.
Engraved in time forever more [/B][/QUOTE]

Ah, yes. You showed me that one today in class. :) I like it, but the first one is still my favourite. Y'know you have like binders literally stuffed with poems... send in a few more. ^^ They're great.

[ PS: Bryan, the girl who wrote these... It's Ash. :whoops: ]

[Sui Generis]

*Sweatdrops* Dude no way! Whats up ASH!! *coughs* I'm ok....


But yeah anyways you poems are great! I love reading 'em