Jump to content
OtakuBoards

Ancient Arrivals (a digi story)


Frankie
 Share

Recommended Posts

I hope it doesn't sound harsh, but most people would rather that someone go over the good and the bad.

The good:
Looks pretty interesting so far. Like the dialogue, and Takato's banter. If this had been at the beginning of the season, Takato would probably be too afraid to say anything like that to Rika. Who's the other Tamer? Good or bad? If good, please, please don't make her a Mary Sue.

The bad:
Only thing really wrong is the way they just attacked Pteramon and Wendigomon. I could see if Renamon did it back in her data-hunting days, but if this takes place after the season, then they wouldn't just go around killing every Digimon who bio-emerged for no reason with no questions asked, which is sure what it looks like they were trying to do.

Nitpicks: Guilmon doesn't have fur, Kyubimon's a fox, and it looks a lot better if you write numbers out (eg. "the four of them" is better than "the 4 of them."

Also, I'd really cut and paste it into the reply box instead of saving it as an attachment so we don't have to download it and wait for Word, Claris Works, what-have-you to translate it. A lot of people aren't going to work that hard for it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

..it wasent wendigomon

it was prariemon...

but YORU NOT SAPOSED TO KNOW THAT

anyways...

like i said i typed that pretty quickly so i messed up on a few things

CHAPTER 1 is saposed to be a little....mysterious liek the lizard or the girl...

and the 2 digimon were possesed..guilmon and renamon senced this then the 2 digimon attacked so the others did too...

and i am not trying to make them ravenous digi killers...

the 2 digimon had the POSSESED crimson like eyes...that will be expalied more in chapter 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...