Writing New Vision

[RicoTranzrig]

[COLOR=darkblue]I'm preparing for my mid-terms this Friday by making a story with a moral in it...it's a very simple one designed for kids. I've proofread most of it, but I'm not good at grammar right now IMO. Tell me what you think. :) It might continue on in a series, depending on how my class goes through the quarter.[/COLOR]


[color=darkgreen] New Vision

Once upon a time, a boy named Akiu began his life in a simple village, isolated from the rest of the world. His parents taught him how to farm, hunt, everything that he needed to survive if he were to be alone.

The years passed and the harder the tasks he received. But they were all completed in good faith. He took his time learning the ways of his elders and made a lot of friends along the way.

At the turn of his seventeenth birthday, he was finally old enough to join his father and many other men for the annual hunt. The event was dangerous because monsters lurked in the tall grass. It was said that many were killed in the hunt, but Akiu was determined that he would come back alive with his father and friends.

They finally set out. It took them from dawn until sunset to reach the distant grasslands before they split up. Akiu went alone. The surroundings got dark before he found something; a dark-shadowy figure crouched on the ground that would be his prey. He raised his spear and it shot out of his hand with great speed, hitting the figure. When he checked to see what he had wounded, he screamed in terror, he had not skewered a mere animal, but a person, clothed differently from them. The villagers hunting nearby came to his call, gathered around the body, and removed the spear from him.

Akiu?s father came to him and comforted him by saying; ?You did well, Akiu, but know your target before you strike, like the other creatures around us do.? And with that, all the participants of the hunt camped by the body to pray for the stranger?s recovery and ponder about who he was and why he was different from them.
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[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]So tell me.....how old will these children be? I don' t think it would fitting for children to read stories in which humans are speared... But I like it. :D[/COLOR]