Getting turned down.....

[Amphion]

Have you ever had a time, were you cared about someone more then anyone else. A time were you just wanted to be with that person. Well you finnally get up some nerve and you walk up to that person and tell them how you feel, grit your teeth, and brace yourself for the reply.

Im sure some of you have. Im sure 90% of you have. Its just part of life. I was just wondering the results that you have had. I am hoping to hear good things, mainly because I am going to do it myself pretty soon. Bad results may discourage me, but nevertheless, I still would like to hear your experiences.

[Guest Hikaru Ichijyo]

Well I'm probably not the best person to be giving you advice, though I'm going to share something very personal with you that may or may not discourage you into telling your true feelings.

I once was in a similar situation as you, around sophomore year of high school, there was a girl that came into my life. Her name was Lisa. Lisa and I were always friends however I never tested my feelings with that person in fear that things definitely would never work out with her. Eventually though I gained the nerve to take that extra step with Lisa but it ended in heartbreak. I'm not proud to say this but she cheated on me during the first date in less then 20 minutes. A feeling quite honestly that I never forgot. I spent a major portion actually a good three years thinking to myself that feelings such as that just weren't worth it.

That was until another person came into my life, based on my feelings though I was very cautious in getting attached. However the more I tried to ignore it stupid cupid struck. Based on my own insecurities though I never really told the person how I felt based on the fact of getting rejected or hurt again. A quite foolish mistake, maybe I actually had a window of opportunity but I blew it by holding out on how I felt about her. Trying to fix that mistake just made it worst I told the person how I felt when it was too late and I paid for that by losing a friendship or at least that?s they way it seems like, that I still am trying to amend.

Learning from past experiences I suggest you don't let fear of rejection affect telling that person how you feel and what ever you do don't wait till the last minute to say how you feel. By then it could be too late and your regret waiting so long for quite awhile.

No one can really hold your hand in these situations but I guess its wise to think before you act. I hope bearing these personal experiences will help you in some way or another. Either way I wish you the best of luck with this task.

Sincerely
Kevin aka (Rick Hunter)

[Guest Anakin Solo]

Errr......She said she didn't like me. Heh. Lol.

[James]

[color=royalblue]In total...I've probably had about four partners in my entire life.

The first one lasted for about a year...and I was the one doing the breaking up (I found that I wasn't really in love...and I didn't want to lead the other person on).

The other two were cases where the other person wasn't interested in me. And believe me, it was hard to find that out. But in retrospect...I don't think the relationship would have lasted anyway.

And now I'm with someone who I've been with for over three years. To me, it's the most perfect relationship I could ever have. And it's definitely a life long one.

So, I think that even if you get turned down...you should never loose hope. There is [i]always[/i] someone out there for you. It's really just a combination of luck (being in the right place at the right time) and guts (being able to take the first step...or make your interest known).

Knowing that you have failed is a lot better than knowing that you never tried. :)[/color]

[Solo Tremaine]

I've never had a partner, and at the rate I'm going, it's unlikely that I will soon. But one thing I do regret is not trying. There have been lots of girls who I've fancied, and I'd never made an effort to talk to them because I was afraid that I'd look stupid. When I finally did, it's always been too late. That's happened to me seven times, and I'm not kidding.

I had one really great friend a few years ago who I met through N64 Magazine's (now NGC) penpal section. It was unbelieveable how much we had in common, except where we were. Her dad was Columbian, and was never around, and she lived in a rough neighbourhood. I, on the other hand, lived in a large house in one of the best parts of the country. I liked her so much, I wanted to give her everything I could. But I guess that may have been why we lost contact. Maybe I was trying too hard to keep being her friend. I miss her, though. We haven't spoken in about two years, but I just want to talk to her one last time, if I could. Just to show her that I've changed. Anyway, enough of my life- it's depressing!

I didn't know what I was letting myself in for when I wrote that letter to the penpal section, but even though I'm left here on my own, I didn't regret it for a second. Try, and even if you failed, it would be a heck of a lot worse wondering what could have been. Uncertainty is often worse than rejection, because you've got to live with the fact that you never tried, and you could have had so much. Equally, you could have had nothing, but you wouldn't know, and the fact that you could have had something will play on your mind for a long time. Go for it, and best of luck to you!

[Amphion]

Thanks guys, although some had bad endings, all of them helped. My deal is, me and this girl went out last year, but we broke it off because we never got to see each other. But we have still been friends. She has said she still cares about me and She is the only one I have cared for since I have met her. No one else matters to me. She is the best person I have ever known, and I never really told her how I felt. I should have told her before, but when you find the "perfect" partner, its kinda hard to express yourself to them sometimes, know what I mean? Anyway, Im going to talk to her when she gets back from Kentucky. Im afraid of hearing something bad, but I cant let that stop me anymore. I missed my first chance to tell her, and now I have been given a second. I cant let things go this time. I dont want to have to live the rest of my life thinking; "If only I had told her how I felt".

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]Good luck. I hope she'll say yes. Even if she doesn't (let hope she does, though), at least you know you'll tried. Unlike me. I'm such a fool...[/color]

[Genkai]

well, ive never tols someone i liked them without asking them out or them liking me...... but a lot of girls have told me that they liked me and i've either went out with them, or i have told them i didn't think'd work out.

BELIEVE ME, we don want to hurt your feelings, but we wouldnt have een trou to ourselves if we had led you on. really. i hope you people who hae been turned down understand.

[Kaioshin]

[COLOR=teal]Considering your situation you owe it to yourself (since you care for her that much) and to her (since she says she still cares for you) to tell her.

I've been in this situation before and basically mine crashed and burned because we never told each other how we were feeling after we broke up. As James said:[/COLOR]

[QUOTE][COLOR=royalblue]Knowing that you have failed is a lot better than knowing that you never tried[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[Mitch]

[color=red] Well, I'm only a Sophmore in High School, so I think love has another time to become a major part in my life. Maybe College I'll start opening up more and trying not to be so shy. I'd never get the guts to ask someone out except for one circumstance, actually, more than one--a)they ask me out, b)I know they like me, c)I'm sure our relationship would work, d)we have something in common which I have found out by speaking to them, that's about it.[/color]

[BabyGirl]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by AnimeLover [/i]
[B][color=red] Well, I'm only a Sophmore in High School, so I think love has another time to become a major part in my life. [/color] [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]My first [i]real[/i] relationship started when I was a sophomore in high school, but after that ended [roughly 6 months later], I didn't have a long, lasting relationship for the rest of high school. It's not that I had too much of a problem with guys liking me, but they were always the wrong guys V_V.

It wasn't until this year, first year of college, that I found someone that I truely do love. You'll know when you find that one person because everything will feel perfect.

Amphion, don't be afraid to tell the object of your affection just how you feel about them. There's always that chance that the response will be negative, but that's just part of finding out what's meant to be and what's not. Good luck, though, I'm sure you'll do fine :)[/color]

[amibasuki]

[FONT=arial]yeah, I've had some mini-melodramas about all that good crap. currently going through one now. I would absolutely love it if I actually had something going with him, but that's got a reeeeeeeelly slim chance of ever happening. I'd tell him how I felt, but I can't, one of the reasons being one of my good friends [i]also[/i] likes him a lot :drunk:. so yeah.......good luck w/ your girl![/FONT]

[ChibiV]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Amphion [/i]
[B]Have you ever had a time, were you cared about someone more then anyone else. A time were you just wanted to be with that person. Well you finnally get up some nerve and you walk up to that person and tell them how you feel, grit your teeth, and brace yourself for the reply.

Im sure some of you have. Im sure 90% of you have. Its just part of life. I was just wondering the results that you have had. I am hoping to hear good things, mainly because I am going to do it myself pretty soon. Bad results may discourage me, but nevertheless, I still would like to hear your experiences. [/B][/QUOTE]
Not too pleasant, I lost my taste and couldn't sleep for couple days. After that, I felt better and glad that I did ask that person. Now I know that person turned me down, I can continue without hope. It's better that that person turned you down when they don't like you than they don't like you and still giving you false hope.

[Omni Slash]

[COLOR=darkblue][SIZE=1]Well, I hope things work out for you. :) As for me I am a bit stale in the relatinship catergory. I have only had 3 or 4 [B]real[/B] girlfriends, and I never really got into an actual relationship. I mean I was in the 5-7th grade with all of them. Now I am in 8th grade, and I don't really have the courage to ask any girls out. Not for fear that they will say no, but more like......do I want to be restricted to one girl? :devil: All that wouldn't matter if I was regualar but, I like flirting with girls sooo much. This is because when I was younger (in like 2nd and 3rd grade) I was pretty much the ugly kid. But now something happened, probably puberty :p and girls pay attention to me now :exited: and I like that.
Holy Crap I ramble on and on don't I?


I was just editing my other post, to see what it would look like. :p[/SIZE] [/COLOR]

[ChibiV]

omni slash - can you change the font size and undo the italic, it's very difficult to read.

[Pepper]

It's a whole, big, darn tootin' circle. You turn some down,
some turn you down. I have a steady now but i can predict
this wont last forver. My true introspective on this is if
you fail, cry then try again. But you see i'm just a kid.
A perky, nutty kid. This stuff i dont really think about,
but just because this isnt one of the things that i think
about every 6 second dosent mean i havent had my ups n' downs.
Most of the time if you start with soemone and it just dosent
work out and you break up or you dont like them and turn em'
down or vise-versa then it's probably for the best. You've now
accumilated infromation and you'll be better at these things next time.

[Amphion]

I do agrea. I always tell my friends who ask for advice, Destroy all hope. Dont tell someone some crap like they are real nice you just dont want a boyfirend right then. That tells that person, well usually, that there may be a chance. Then they end up sitting in their room all summer grieving over that person hoping and waiting to finally hook up with them.

Yes telling someone the honest truth may seem a whole lot more harsh and mean, but its really for the best. If you turn them down quick and hard, they get over you alot quicker, and dont have time to grow attached to you. This is one reason Im ready to go ahead and tell her how I feel. I want it to be over with. I will either be able to end the grieving and move on, or I will start a knew and better life with that person.

[Kaioshin]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Amphion [/i]
[B]I do agrea. I always tell my friends who ask for advice, Destroy all hope. Dont tell someone some crap like they are real nice you just dont want a boyfirend right then. That tells that person, well usually, that there may be a chance. Then they end up sitting in their room all summer grieving over that person hoping and waiting to finally hook up with them.

Yes telling someone the honest truth may seem a whole lot more harsh and mean, but its really for the best. If you turn them down quick and hard, they get over you alot quicker, and dont have time to grow attached to you. This is one reason Im ready to go ahead and tell her how I feel. I want it to be over with. I will either be able to end the grieving and move on, or I will start a knew and better life with that person. [/B][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=teal]Thats the attitude, go for it![/COLOR]

[amibasuki]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Amphion [/i]
[B]I do agrea. I always tell my friends who ask for advice, Destroy all hope. Dont tell someone some crap like they are real nice you just dont want a boyfirend right then. That tells that person, well usually, that there may be a chance. Then they end up sitting in their room all summer grieving over that person hoping and waiting to finally hook up with them.[/B][/QUOTE]
[FONT=arial]usually others will read between the lines when someone says that....usually. though there are some people who really don't want a boy/girlfriend at the time, though you can usually tell who they are from the others. I know what you mean though. but even if you did put it to 'em in lamen's terms, they'd still be grieving either way, can't really get past that. at least that's my experience with the whole issue. [/FONT]

[Solo Tremaine]

It depends. If you say out and out that you just don't like them, then it's more than likely really going to hurt their feelings. They'll be left sitting wondering what it is about them that you don't like and may try to change themselves accordingly, thus preventing them from being themselves and meeting up with someone they may hev been perfectly happy with. Because it's likely that they'd take a while to get over something like that, and that's plenty of thinking time. That's a bit 'worst case scenario', but it could happen. You don't want to unintentionally force someone to change just because they're not your type or whatever. But, as you said, you don't want to lead them into false hopes. Tact, then, is the key. Maybe saying something like... I dunno... it's so hard to get the right thing without sounding arrogant, rude or really nasty. Unless you want to be, which isn't something I'd advise. Um... maybe just something like 'I don't think we'd work out' and then explaining why would be how I'd do it. You don't want to destroy all hope because you could end up losing a possible friend too. It sounds like you're saying 'I really don't want to even be friends with you', which, to me, seems wrong. A friendship is different to a relationship- you shouldn't reject those with them. Although some friendships after relationships do leave behind awkward feelings...

[amibasuki]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Solo Tremaine [/i]
[B]...Um... maybe just something like 'I don't think we'd work out' and then explaining why would be how I'd do it....[/B][/QUOTE]

[FONT=arial]saying something like that would just make them want to change themselves for you. for example, say this girl told you she liked you, and you told her 'it wouldn't work out' because, well, you told her it was because you both have really different interests or something. more than likely, she'd try her darndest to find out what you liked and do and like the exact things, just to get you to like her. then she could think you'd go out with her then since both of your interests don't seem to be so different anymore, you know what I'm saying? in the long run, you're just getting a copy cattish-stalker-type person. .....okay, so maybe I worded that a bit too bluntly. and it might not happen if the person is mature enough to realize NOT to do that. but it depends on the person and situation, I guess. but yeah, it ain't that great.

whenever someone asks me out (hah! as if that happens a bunch) and I don't really want to have something like that with them, I just tell them I think of them more like a friend than a boyfriend. yeah, I know, the whole 'I just want to be friends' bit. but think about it: you're not giving them false hope, but you're not being mean about it either.
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