Ravenstorture Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 [color=darkgreen][font=gothic]I don't think she minded the story, but she cerainly minded me after she read it. She not only minded me, but avoided me at all costs. That's not right, I like this story! It's called Chicane, by the way... "Come on, hurry up? the cops will be here soon." River fumbled with the revolver in her hands, the rain sliding off the slick, wet barrel and making the metal slippery and difficult to handle. "Hurry up!" Notch yelled again, turning back to her and gesturing a motion of exasperation. She screamed in frustration and stopped, starting again slowly. Gun in left hand, take right hand and place on safety catch, pull back, flick, fingers on trigger, hold on tight with other hand, lets go. River ran after Notch quietly, and they disappeared into the dark, wet depths of the city. Notch didn't know where he was going, or what they were going to do when they got there, but he knew that as long as he got away from that bloody parking lot they would be ok. And River was a good catch, too. Shapely. Not the point, he sternly reminded himself. Not the point. She was his alibi, his friend, and she seemed to know a lot about the pigs and the way they operate. They darted around countless corners for what seemed like hours, the rain sweeping low onto them and making the disgusting ground steam. Suddenly, a dead end reared it's ugly head and the only forward prospect was a thin, rusty fire escape, clinging desperately to the brick. "Well," Notch said after a few seconds of undecided silence, "forward or back?" River thought for a second and nodded at the ladder silently. Notch bounded forward onto it immediately and scaled the wall, not pausing to see whether or not River followed. She did, and reached the rooftop a few seconds after Notch did, to find him standing there, biting his nails. "Sorry for leaving you, you know how I hate heights?" Notch explained, looking slightly remorseful for his behaviour in the alleyway. River simply smiled and ran off across the rooftop, the rain streaming down around the pair now more fiercely than ever. Notch followed quickly. Their path carried them a long distance, but soon enough they had ended up where they began. Upon seeing the crime scene, the mangled, bullet-ridden corpse still lying drenched in the gutter, Notch swore loudly and turned away to leave again. They had gone ten paces before the blue and red flashes of police vehicles splashed against the walls, the white sharks of the law creeping silently around the corner ahead of them. At this, Notch froze but River remained calm. For the first time in a while she spoke, her soft voice travelling to him easily in the rain. "Come with me. Move slowly. We will walk this way." She said to him, and he looked at her, bewildered. "We will pretend to have nothing to do with it and walk on, pretend not to have seen it, anything, and they will not suspect us. Come," She said again, reaching out to the frozen teenager. "Trust me." Notch stared at her outstretched hand a moment before taking it and walking to her. She turned and began to walk slowly away from the corpse up the street, still holding Notch's hand tightly. He felt comforted and serene, and walked with River timidly in the heavy rain. "Hold it, you two - Hey, wait!" A voice sounded behind the pair. River felt the tension in Notch's hand and held it tightly to prevent any notions of fleeing. She turned, slowly, and smiled at the approaching officer. He was holding an umbrella above him and looked scared. "You kids shouldn't be out here. Did you see the corpse back there?" He asked the two. At this Notch stayed silent and tense, but River played the perfect part. She had to, she thought, she had a gun in the back of her jeans. "Oh my god, a corpse?" She gasped, clinging to Notch for effect. He turned to her, slowly, still not quite understanding the situation she had put him in. But not trusting her now would only lead to jail. The police officer explained the reason the cops had been called in and asked if they had seen anything suspicious. Notch still looked terrified, which was probably a good thing, so River again took the cue. "We were walking back from a friend's place, around the corner? we, um?. were a little distracted." River looked embarrassed and Notch, coming out of his languor, suddenly kissed River on the cheek, and held her closely. The policeman looked embarrassed, and began to glance back to the flashing scene behind him. "Well, could we give you a lift somewhere? I mean, he's still out there, you know?" he bumbled on, gesturing with his free hand. River shook her head. "We only live a few doors down, thanks." She said to him and, turning suddenly, walked off dragging Notch behind her. The policeman walked back to the scene and River pushed Notch away violently. They rounded another corner and suddenly, he stopped her and pushed her against the wall. She stared at him calmly. "What the **** was that?" He demanded. She blinked, the rain streaming down her face and into her clothing, distracting her. "You wanted to get away, I got you away. And don't look at me like I'm so naughty for risking your life, because you mugged, beat and shot an old man tonight for two hundred and thirty five dollars." "Well, it's a harsh, harsh world, ain't it." He spat at her. She reached behind her back, pulled the revolver out and shot Notch in the temple, not flinching as he slumped to the ground, lifeless, in front of him. "Yeah," she whispered, removing his wallet and pocketing it. "It is." [/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Asphyxia Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 [color=firebrick] Wow, I get first comment *looks around in a daze* I thought it was good. The whole backstabbing life is a ***** thing is very well done thing, two. [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mina Posted October 15, 2002 Share Posted October 15, 2002 I think I see why your teacher wanted to burn it. But the story structure was....interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 [COLOR=seagreen]*sigh* Ah me....young love.....aye it's a grand thing... Ravenstorture.....I've got a slightly twisted idea. Would you mind doing a duo RPG with me?[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Harlequin Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 [font=gothic][color=crimson]You know my opinions on this. First and foremost, drop the "Notch". Really. No more notches. Anywhere, on anything. Under any circumstances. For any reason. etc, etc, etc. Or something. You know I love everything you write. (Well, nearly everything)[/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 [color=red] I don't like the name Notch, but I liked the name River. The story was written well, and the ending even made it better. You see, the ending made me want to understand more about River's character, which made me want to read the entire story again. And the story itself was welly done in its own right.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 [size=1]I loved it. Tho' I'll agree on the 'Notch' name thing.... Wish my scribbes turned out that well. [/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sere Tuscumbia Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 Once again, you amaze me with your twisted, but wonderful writings. Lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raquel Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 I love it! ^^" It reminds me of a book... Shades Children... It's pretty good... I don't mind the name Notch... It makes me imagine him as a wannabe punk with black floppy hair and gray eyes... A lot like one of my friends... Recently got the crap kicked out of him... *shakes her head* Anyways... It's great... Tell your teacher to piss off... ~Siren~* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstorture Posted October 18, 2002 Author Share Posted October 18, 2002 [color=darkgreen][font=gothic]Notch [i]is[/i] a wannabe punk with floppy hair and grey eyes. He's an idiot, a nasty idiot who's up to his neck in sh*t and who hasn't got a f*cking clue what he's doing. Tell me honestly, if [i]his[/i] name was river, would you hold more respect and affection to him? I don't actually know where the name came from, but the effect of the story was to shock and to jolt people's feelings. I am glad it did that. [/color][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Harlequin Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 [font=gothic][color=crimson]Told you I was right about the whole Notch thing.[/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 Leave poor raven alone! When i hear notch i think of pokemon though....well i really enjoyed the story, i could totally visualize the rain hitting the ground and it steaming. Look forward to some more of your work. As for your teacher, her lose. I once got sent to the counselor for a piece of my work i left in class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makai Kite Posted October 24, 2002 Share Posted October 24, 2002 What was the work about, Vegeta Rocker? Just out of curiosity. As for the story, it really did move me. I could really feel the emotions of the characters. Either that, or maybe I'm just a freak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane11 Posted October 24, 2002 Share Posted October 24, 2002 Wow, that's freaky. I would have never guessed the ending. That's funny how your teacher is avoiding you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted October 25, 2002 Share Posted October 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by stormwing [/i] [B]Shades Children... [/B][/QUOTE] [SIZE=1]Darned good book.[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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